finally, i have the ending... can not be called happy ending but not sad ending too..
wat i know now is I AM REALLY HAPPY...^0^
thanks for everything... ^^
words i wanna hear has just been said clearly... it makes me feel so relieved.. now i know wat i am in ur eyes... it`s nice though... i dunno why but after all these things happened, i feel so...alive...hahaha... over excited ?? maybe...
but wat can i do? sometimes we can not expect something as smooth as planned.. and it does not mean it will be bad..wakakkaa..
i`m happy we can talk freely ; without any doubts... humph.. this is LIFE after all.. i will enjoy every minute of these moments... ^^
``All you ever wanted to do is trust someone to always be around You’ve had a lot of lessons to learn from Some of them hit you so hard And I keep believing someday you’ll see, you don’t have to be alone There’s somebody out there, somebody somewhere to show you the tenderness you need
i couldn`t sleep well yesterday because something was bothering me.. up till now..
yesterday, i had a long chat with that person.. when i decided to tell or actually made a confession about wat i feel, he hit me with a story. Story that made me sad.. till now..
so...
i decide that i wanna make this feeling clear.. this matter clear.. i need to confess and tell him my feeling indirectly.. but he will get it as if it is direct confession.
he`s my best friend for all these years. for me, i consider him as my best friend.. i dunno wat he feels about me though.. i wanna know who i am in his eyes.. best friend or more. i won`t make him feel burden.. i don`t want to... it is just for my own sake.
even if he does not like me as i do, i will STILL become his BEST FRIEND... i`ll be there when he needs me. when he needs somebody to listen,... to play a joke with.. anything that best friend can do.. even at first it will hurt... definitely!! even now i feel hurt. myb it sounds stupid but it is all about feeling.i can`t simply change it.
i hope he makes a right decision. i`ll support his decision... ^ ^ i still wanna know his story.. i try not to be bias on giving suggestion. as i did yesterday, i didn`t think i gave a bias suggestion.
huff,..... i just wanna try to be honest to him and to myself. i do not force him to become my another half, i just wanna know his feeling. as i said i`m mature enough to take wat he will say. i hope i still can become his best friend.. hope he will not feel disturbed.. he will not feel burdened... he can find a way out of all his problems..
hope it will end well.. happy ending...
this feeling makes me hurt but i like it. i experience it.. hope we can still become best friend.. i`m looking forward to know his response and answer.. hope he can give me a good answer...
give up... i dun like the word... especially NOW... but wat can i do.. could it be the best solution for now..
can i give up now? when this feeling is still here. even it`s getting deeper.. argh.. i dun regret for wat i chose quite recently. i`m trying to show that person that i see him differently now.. but it`s useless.. he does not even realize it.. pathetic me...
i saw the words that he wrote.. then .. wat i realize is i am not the one he`s looking for. he does not need me. i am nothing.
then... that word..give up..comes to my mind.. do i need to give up? i can not force this feeling. i tried though but it is ended up with me hurting myself. i`m glad i tried . but it hurts. till now i still dun wanna give up.
sounds too fake? too over? maybe.. i am just feeling stressful.. just...feeling stressful.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....
i know it`s not gud to start a day with sighing but then.. that`s what i feel.. feeling that makes me sighing... haha..wat a pity...
missing someone but hesitate to tell.. wanna tell but i`m too afraid to speak it out... i dun tell anything then i feel sad... but i know sometimes it`s good to keep the feeling for myself... i`m afraid to tell it.. i dun want that person feels burdensome. or i just protect myself of getting hurt.. i do not know.. i dun want that person feels disturbed cuz maybe it is just me who have this kind of feeling.. am i selfish?
thinking of that person..the memory that stuck in my head.. uhm,.... it is funny... it makes me smile to myself..
------- one of my friends said to me i`m lucky i can get closer to that person.. person whom i want to be with... can talk... have a joke together.. eating together... do something together... being together even for a while... time does not matter but the quality of it... Am i that lucky? am i ?
when i think about it again, yes.. i`m lucky... i am that lucky.. that i can talk to that person.. do something together.. i`m happy... i dun know the feeling of that person.. happy or just nothing... but i must say `thank you` for everything... ^^
wat my friend said is true.. i need to see from different point of view. i still need time to learn to do the right thing when i`m with that person.. but i`m happy to have time together.. beside all the troubles i have, the moment that stuck in my head makes me happy... i`ll keep the moment to myself...
now... only now... i realize i have something called `that kind of feeling`...
i know it is part of my fault. i can`t understand his feeling and behaviour. maybe. i just pretend i understand. maybe. i just do not want he realizes. maybe. this feeling is not rite. maybe.
i do not know how to see from his point of view. tried though but it seems to me i`m too far to understand ...
all starts with `i`... becoz one of my friend said it mostly is my fault. i`m the one who makes this complicated. whereas i do not mean to.
i wanna try but condition is not possible for it. shortage of time. always . it is always shortage of time..
i can not show all my feelings cuz i`m just too afraid to get hurt . cuz i think i`m not his type . cuz i do not think i`m enough.. it is painful when u can`t get the reason.. fiuh.. i just think too much. maybe...
or .. i just try to accept the fact that i`m the one he is looking for..
--- tears
why tears? why do i have to cry? why me? why him? it is color of life.. i`m happy becoz of him. i`m sad becoz of him. even though it ends like this .. i will treasure it cuz i get something from time i had with him. short and a bit sweet. but to me , it is sweet and bitter. combined together becomes a long lasting memory.
maybe it is too late for me to realize . it is always too late. i did wat i thought was right becoz i dunno wat 2 do.. i really do not know. i just can watch from the back. see from the back. smile from far. just can hope (which i think maybe empty hope now).
tears fall.. it still can`t heal the wound. i do not have confidence i can reach to his heart. tears fall.. wat i do wrong tears fall.. wat i do right tears fall.. can he accept me for who i am which i do not believe he can as world is realistic tears fall.. it ends up like this tears fall.. can`t stop it now tears fall.. can`t i get this one right?
he doesn`t realize he doesn`t talk about it he doesn`t do anything wrong
maybe it`s all me...
tears are falling... it is my mistake. but i do not feel regret becuz these tears are for..this moment..
Two days ago, my plan to go back to Jakarta, Indonesia went well. My flight was 8.50 pm but I arrived at LCCT really early becozI followed my friend to go there. It was good as I did not pay at all. Haha…
Then, to waste time, I decided to taste Coffee Bean coffee. Long time I do not drink there becoz actually Starbucks tastes better. I ordered Caramel Coffee Ice Blended. Even though it tasted nice but the more I drank it the more I felt that it was not that nice. Hum.. maybe becoz i`m Starbucks big fans too..wahhaa..
So I just wasted my time there. Hanging around saw people walking by and tried a bit harder to finish my drink but in the end, I just finished half..wat a waste but sigh.. it didn`t taste nice anymore so I better not drink it.
After that, I tried to use the WiFi providedBUT so unfortunately, it was error. I only could open facebook. Even it was so damn slow and not all pages could be opened. I called my mother , smsing my friends to waste my waiting time. I waited 2 hours before check in then waited 2 hours before the flight.
When I went to the waiting room, again! So unfortunate, the flight delayed!! Luckily it just 20 min then I thought it was okay. But the thing started here. I went inside the plane then it stopped for 30 minutes!! Oh my..
Arrived at Jakarta at 10.30 local time.
Wahh…. The smell of Jakarta.. really miss it…hahahhaa…
Now it`s time heading to Indonesian immigration, that was the longest queue I have ever seen for 3 years. I do not go back often though but it was sooooo longggg…. Argh.. 30minutes spent there. And for the baggage claim, it was about 15 minutes..omg!!
It was a lot of waiting and waiting. It really tested my patience. Maybe it is a good practice remembering that i`m not really a patient person.wahhaa.. but I do not prefer this way.
So pity my friend who picked me up. So sorry my friend…T.T
thanks 4 waiting patiently.. ^^
appreciate it...
Then after that, I went to KFC, Kelapa Gading if i`m not mistaken, with another friend. Eum the place was nice. The food was nice too but becoz I didn`t eat for quite long time, I got a bit stomachache.
I just held it for a while and it was okay.
that was my first meal in Jakarta.. KFC FISH SANDWICH...
After eating, then went to my friend`s house and chit chat then headed to Starbucks nearby the toll. I dunno which toll actually..wahahha…
I had my FOREVER favourite, green tea ice latte. It was soooooooooooo deliciouss….uuuuu ….>.<
Then it was time to sleep ady. So I headed home and slept…
WOW!!! one word... COOL!!! it iss a good movie... i love it...
TGV sunway was packed... i think most of them just came and watched transformers 2 not other movies..
The movie is so funny when it comes to funny parts of the actors said and done..hahhaa..then it is so thrilling when we do not know whether the good people will alive or not...wah.. it is soo damn interesting movie..
And also..
i think there will be Transformers 3...why? becoz in the end the 2 decepticons are still alive.. so have to wait for next year to watch the story..wahaha.. hope it will be nice as now...
