humph.... i`m so missing you...

sigh... sigh.. sigh..

i know it`s not gud to start a day with sighing but then.. that`s what i feel.. feeling that makes me sighing... haha..wat a pity...

missing someone but hesitate to tell.. wanna tell but i`m too afraid to speak it out... i dun tell anything then i feel sad...
but i know sometimes it`s good to keep the feeling for myself... i`m afraid to tell it.. i dun want that person feels burdensome. or i just protect myself of getting hurt.. i do not know.. i dun want that person feels disturbed cuz maybe it is just me who have this kind of feeling..
am i selfish?

thinking of that person..the memory that stuck in my head.. uhm,.... it is funny... it makes me smile to myself..

-------
one of my friends said to me i`m lucky i can get closer to that person.. person whom i want to be with... can talk... have a joke together.. eating together... do something together... being together even for a while... time does not matter but the quality of it...
Am i that lucky? am i ?

when i think about it again, yes.. i`m lucky... i am that lucky.. that i can talk to that person.. do something together.. i`m happy... i dun know the feeling of that person.. happy or just nothing... but i must say `thank you` for everything... ^^

wat my friend said is true.. i need to see from different point of view. i still need time to learn to do the right thing when i`m with that person.. but i`m happy to have time together.. beside all the troubles i have, the moment that stuck in my head makes me happy... i`ll keep the moment to myself...

``You make it easier when life gets hard ``...

Lucky? maybe it is the theme song ..






regards,

Estee ^^v

can`t i get this one right?

now...
only now...
i realize i have something called `that kind of feeling`...

i know it is part of my fault. i can`t understand his feeling and behaviour. maybe. i just pretend i understand. maybe. i just do not want he realizes. maybe. this feeling is not rite. maybe.

i do not know how to see from his point of view. tried though but it seems to me i`m too far to understand ...

all starts with `i`... becoz one of my friend said it mostly is my fault. i`m the one who makes this complicated. whereas i do not mean to.

i wanna try but condition is not possible for it. shortage of time. always . it is always shortage of time..

i can not show all my feelings cuz i`m just too afraid to get hurt . cuz i think i`m not his type . cuz i do not think i`m enough.. it is painful when u can`t get the reason.. fiuh..
i just think too much. maybe...

or .. i just try to accept the fact that i`m the one he is looking for..

--- tears

why tears? why do i have to cry? why me? why him?
it is color of life.. i`m happy becoz of him. i`m sad becoz of him. even though it ends like this .. i will treasure it cuz i get something from time i had with him. short and a bit sweet. but to me , it is sweet and bitter. combined together becomes a long lasting memory.

maybe it is too late for me to realize . it is always too late. i did wat i thought was right becoz i dunno wat 2 do.. i really do not know.
i just can watch from the back.
see from the back.
smile from far.
just can hope (which i think maybe empty hope now).

tears fall.. it still can`t heal the wound. i do not have confidence i can reach to his heart.
tears fall.. wat i do wrong
tears fall.. wat i do right
tears fall.. can he accept me for who i am which i do not believe he can as world is realistic
tears fall.. it ends up like this
tears fall.. can`t stop it now
tears fall.. can`t i get this one right?

he doesn`t realize
he doesn`t talk about it
he doesn`t do anything wrong

maybe it`s all me...

tears are falling... it is my mistake. but i do not feel regret becuz these tears are for..this moment..





regards,



Estee ^^v

Arrival - Jakarta 4th July 2009

Two days ago, my plan to go back to Jakarta, Indonesia went well. My flight was 8.50 pm but I arrived at LCCT really early becoz I followed my friend to go there. It was good as I did not pay at all. Haha…

Then, to waste time, I decided to taste Coffee Bean coffee. Long time I do not drink there becoz actually Starbucks tastes better. I ordered Caramel Coffee Ice Blended. Even though it tasted nice but the more I drank it the more I felt that it was not that nice. Hum.. maybe becoz i`m Starbucks big fans too..wahhaa..

So I just wasted my time there. Hanging around saw people walking by and tried a bit harder to finish my drink but in the end, I just finished half..wat a waste but sigh.. it didn`t taste nice anymore so I better not drink it.

After that, I tried to use the WiFi provided BUT so unfortunately, it was error. I only could open facebook. Even it was so damn slow and not all pages could be opened. I called my mother , smsing my friends to waste my waiting time. I waited 2 hours before check in then waited 2 hours before the flight.

When I went to the waiting room, again! So unfortunate, the flight delayed!! Luckily it just 20 min then I thought it was okay. But the thing started here. I went inside the plane then it stopped for 30 minutes!! Oh my..

Arrived at Jakarta at 10.30 local time.

Wahh…. The smell of Jakarta.. really miss it…hahahhaa…

Now it`s time heading to Indonesian immigration, that was the longest queue I have ever seen for 3 years. I do not go back often though but it was sooooo longggg…. Argh.. 30minutes spent there. And for the baggage claim, it was about 15 minutes..omg!!

It was a lot of waiting and waiting. It really tested my patience. Maybe it is a good practice remembering that i`m not really a patient person.wahhaa.. but I do not prefer this way.

So pity my friend who picked me up. So sorry my friend…T.T

thanks 4 waiting patiently.. ^^

appreciate it...

Then after that, I went to KFC, Kelapa Gading if i`m not mistaken, with another friend. Eum the place was nice. The food was nice too but becoz I didn`t eat for quite long time, I got a bit stomachache.

I just held it for a while and it was okay.

that was my first meal in Jakarta.. KFC FISH SANDWICH...

After eating, then went to my friend`s house and chit chat then headed to Starbucks nearby the toll. I dunno which toll actually..wahahha…

I had my FOREVER favourite, green tea ice latte. It was soooooooooooo deliciouss….uuuuu ….>.<

Then it was time to sleep ady. So I headed home and slept…

Regards,

Estee ^^v