yay!!! i like this ending

YAY!!

finally, i have the ending... can not be called happy ending but not sad ending too..

wat i know now is I AM REALLY HAPPY...^0^

thanks for everything... ^^

words i wanna hear has just been said clearly... it makes me feel so relieved.. now i know wat i am in ur eyes... it`s nice though... i dunno why but after all these things happened, i feel so...alive...hahaha... over excited ?? maybe...

but wat can i do? sometimes we can not expect something as smooth as planned.. and it does not mean it will be bad..wakakkaa..

i`m happy we can talk freely ; without any doubts... humph.. this is LIFE after all..
i will enjoy every minute of these moments... ^^



``All you ever wanted to do is trust someone to always be around
You’ve had a lot of lessons to learn from
Some of them hit you so hard
And I keep believing someday you’ll see, you don’t have to be alone
There’s somebody out there, somebody somewhere to show you the tenderness you need

I wanna be there when you’re in need ``

regards,

Es7ee ^^

almost the end...

humph..

i couldn`t sleep well yesterday because something was bothering me.. up till now..



yesterday, i had a long chat with that person.. when i decided to tell or actually made a confession about wat i feel, he hit me with a story. Story that made me sad.. till now..

so...

i decide that i wanna make this feeling clear.. this matter clear.. i need to confess and tell him my feeling indirectly.. but he will get it as if it is direct confession.

he`s my best friend for all these years. for me, i consider him as my best friend.. i dunno wat he feels about me though..
i wanna know who i am in his eyes.. best friend or more.
i won`t make him feel burden.. i don`t want to... it is just for my own sake.

even if he does not like me as i do, i will STILL become his BEST FRIEND...
i`ll be there when he needs me. when he needs somebody to listen,... to play a joke with.. anything that best friend can do.. even at first it will hurt... definitely!! even now i feel hurt.
myb it sounds stupid but it is all about feeling.i can`t simply change it.

i hope he makes a right decision. i`ll support his decision... ^ ^
i still wanna know his story.. i try not to be bias on giving suggestion. as i did yesterday, i didn`t think i gave a bias suggestion.

huff,.....
i just wanna try to be honest to him and to myself. i do not force him to become my another half, i just wanna know his feeling. as i said i`m mature enough to take wat he will say.
i hope i still can become his best friend..
hope he will not feel disturbed.. he will not feel burdened... he can find a way out of all his problems..

hope it will end well..
happy ending...

this feeling makes me hurt but i like it. i experience it.. hope we can still become best friend..
i`m looking forward to know his response and answer.. hope he can give me a good answer...

hope for the best ...^^



regards,

Es7ee ^^

give up or not?

give up...
i dun like the word...
especially NOW...
but wat can i do.. could it be the best solution for now..

can i give up now? when this feeling is still here. even it`s getting deeper.. argh.. i dun regret for wat i chose quite recently.
i`m trying to show that person that i see him differently now.. but it`s useless.. he does not even realize it.. pathetic me...

i saw the words that he wrote..
then .. wat i realize is i am not the one he`s looking for. he does not need me.
i am nothing.

then... that word..give up..comes to my mind.. do i need to give up? i can not force this feeling. i tried though but it is ended up with me hurting myself.
i`m glad i tried . but it hurts. till now i still dun wanna give up.

sounds too fake? too over? maybe.. i am just feeling stressful.. just...feeling stressful..
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....




regards,


estee ^^v

humph.... i`m so missing you...

sigh... sigh.. sigh..

i know it`s not gud to start a day with sighing but then.. that`s what i feel.. feeling that makes me sighing... haha..wat a pity...

missing someone but hesitate to tell.. wanna tell but i`m too afraid to speak it out... i dun tell anything then i feel sad...
but i know sometimes it`s good to keep the feeling for myself... i`m afraid to tell it.. i dun want that person feels burdensome. or i just protect myself of getting hurt.. i do not know.. i dun want that person feels disturbed cuz maybe it is just me who have this kind of feeling..
am i selfish?

thinking of that person..the memory that stuck in my head.. uhm,.... it is funny... it makes me smile to myself..

-------
one of my friends said to me i`m lucky i can get closer to that person.. person whom i want to be with... can talk... have a joke together.. eating together... do something together... being together even for a while... time does not matter but the quality of it...
Am i that lucky? am i ?

when i think about it again, yes.. i`m lucky... i am that lucky.. that i can talk to that person.. do something together.. i`m happy... i dun know the feeling of that person.. happy or just nothing... but i must say `thank you` for everything... ^^

wat my friend said is true.. i need to see from different point of view. i still need time to learn to do the right thing when i`m with that person.. but i`m happy to have time together.. beside all the troubles i have, the moment that stuck in my head makes me happy... i`ll keep the moment to myself...

``You make it easier when life gets hard ``...

Lucky? maybe it is the theme song ..






regards,

Estee ^^v

can`t i get this one right?

now...
only now...
i realize i have something called `that kind of feeling`...

i know it is part of my fault. i can`t understand his feeling and behaviour. maybe. i just pretend i understand. maybe. i just do not want he realizes. maybe. this feeling is not rite. maybe.

i do not know how to see from his point of view. tried though but it seems to me i`m too far to understand ...

all starts with `i`... becoz one of my friend said it mostly is my fault. i`m the one who makes this complicated. whereas i do not mean to.

i wanna try but condition is not possible for it. shortage of time. always . it is always shortage of time..

i can not show all my feelings cuz i`m just too afraid to get hurt . cuz i think i`m not his type . cuz i do not think i`m enough.. it is painful when u can`t get the reason.. fiuh..
i just think too much. maybe...

or .. i just try to accept the fact that i`m the one he is looking for..

--- tears

why tears? why do i have to cry? why me? why him?
it is color of life.. i`m happy becoz of him. i`m sad becoz of him. even though it ends like this .. i will treasure it cuz i get something from time i had with him. short and a bit sweet. but to me , it is sweet and bitter. combined together becomes a long lasting memory.

maybe it is too late for me to realize . it is always too late. i did wat i thought was right becoz i dunno wat 2 do.. i really do not know.
i just can watch from the back.
see from the back.
smile from far.
just can hope (which i think maybe empty hope now).

tears fall.. it still can`t heal the wound. i do not have confidence i can reach to his heart.
tears fall.. wat i do wrong
tears fall.. wat i do right
tears fall.. can he accept me for who i am which i do not believe he can as world is realistic
tears fall.. it ends up like this
tears fall.. can`t stop it now
tears fall.. can`t i get this one right?

he doesn`t realize
he doesn`t talk about it
he doesn`t do anything wrong

maybe it`s all me...

tears are falling... it is my mistake. but i do not feel regret becuz these tears are for..this moment..





regards,



Estee ^^v

Arrival - Jakarta 4th July 2009

Two days ago, my plan to go back to Jakarta, Indonesia went well. My flight was 8.50 pm but I arrived at LCCT really early becoz I followed my friend to go there. It was good as I did not pay at all. Haha…

Then, to waste time, I decided to taste Coffee Bean coffee. Long time I do not drink there becoz actually Starbucks tastes better. I ordered Caramel Coffee Ice Blended. Even though it tasted nice but the more I drank it the more I felt that it was not that nice. Hum.. maybe becoz i`m Starbucks big fans too..wahhaa..

So I just wasted my time there. Hanging around saw people walking by and tried a bit harder to finish my drink but in the end, I just finished half..wat a waste but sigh.. it didn`t taste nice anymore so I better not drink it.

After that, I tried to use the WiFi provided BUT so unfortunately, it was error. I only could open facebook. Even it was so damn slow and not all pages could be opened. I called my mother , smsing my friends to waste my waiting time. I waited 2 hours before check in then waited 2 hours before the flight.

When I went to the waiting room, again! So unfortunate, the flight delayed!! Luckily it just 20 min then I thought it was okay. But the thing started here. I went inside the plane then it stopped for 30 minutes!! Oh my..

Arrived at Jakarta at 10.30 local time.

Wahh…. The smell of Jakarta.. really miss it…hahahhaa…

Now it`s time heading to Indonesian immigration, that was the longest queue I have ever seen for 3 years. I do not go back often though but it was sooooo longggg…. Argh.. 30minutes spent there. And for the baggage claim, it was about 15 minutes..omg!!

It was a lot of waiting and waiting. It really tested my patience. Maybe it is a good practice remembering that i`m not really a patient person.wahhaa.. but I do not prefer this way.

So pity my friend who picked me up. So sorry my friend…T.T

thanks 4 waiting patiently.. ^^

appreciate it...

Then after that, I went to KFC, Kelapa Gading if i`m not mistaken, with another friend. Eum the place was nice. The food was nice too but becoz I didn`t eat for quite long time, I got a bit stomachache.

I just held it for a while and it was okay.

that was my first meal in Jakarta.. KFC FISH SANDWICH...

After eating, then went to my friend`s house and chit chat then headed to Starbucks nearby the toll. I dunno which toll actually..wahahha…

I had my FOREVER favourite, green tea ice latte. It was soooooooooooo deliciouss….uuuuu ….>.<

Then it was time to sleep ady. So I headed home and slept…

Regards,

Estee ^^v

TRANSFORMERS 2 : REVENGE of the FALLEN

Yesterday, i watched this movie...



WOW!!! one word... COOL!!!
it iss a good movie... i love it...

TGV sunway was packed... i think most of them just came and watched transformers 2 not other movies..

The movie is so funny when it comes to funny parts of the actors said and done..hahhaa..then it is so thrilling when we do not know whether the good people will alive or not...wah.. it is soo damn interesting movie..


And also..

i think there will be Transformers 3...why? becoz in the end the 2 decepticons are still alive..
so have to wait for next year to watch the story..wahaha.. hope it will be nice as now...

it is a MUST to watch this movie..


Regards,



Estee ^^v

2012 Movie....

this movie reminds me of the end-of-the-world scenes.. so scared to see till give me a goosebumps..but i think i must watch this movie because the effects are quite good.

See the trailer here: it`s worth to spend just a while to see it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hz86TsGx3fc

And to know more for the story, can see from this site - Latino Review.com

i can`t wait for this movie to be released. it is on 30th November 2009..still long time to go though..wkwkww..




Regards,



Estee ^^v

Quote of the DAY

i have a `Quote for the day`... at least for me and could be for others too... ^^

Make sure u take the RIGHT bus...

and if possible, take a bus that u r sure about the destination....

Regards,



Estee ^^v

Starbucks time.... luv it

So.. i arrived at Starbucks..

smelled the coffee and felt the air con..so nice..

then i got a seat nearby the souvenirs. The AC was direct to me..wow it was good..

I started to study and eat my muffin. BANANA CHOC CHIP MUFFIN.wow!! my all time favourite.. ^^

after a about 30 minutes, Jasmine came. and brought her laptop in. But she could not plug in the cable from our seat so she changed place..across out seat.
She ordered vanilla cream that was sooo delicious... yummy...

after that, she left me alone to study while she was listening to music from her daring red laptop.hehe... i was glad she came. at least i was not alone.
I met several friends there though.but they were not with me.
I met Via, Jeremy and Shu...

poor Shu. I tried his green tea ice blended before he tried it..T.T so shy.. but he offered me first..so i didn`t think it was my fault.w.ahahhaha..

so.. time flew and Jasmine asked whether she could help me on anything when she moved to our seat.
I asked her to help me on Mac Beth paper. SO she helped me.
It was quite a shame that marketing student asked SCIENCE A level graduated student to help me on the article.. Bcoz i was drop dead lazy to read that article..

Thank u very much Jasmine,. She explained it well. hehehe...


so that`s all.. i went back to ridzuan and wrote this blog..hehhe
It was really really a gud time at Starbucks.... luv it... i could really concentrate on my paper.. probably i `ll go there again to study.

WAT A DAY!!!




Regards,


Estee ^^v

Wat a DAY!!! huff

OH GOSH!! wat a day is today!!

it was terrible day in the morning... i just woke up happily thinking that ``wow..it`s gonna be starbucks timee...``. THEN, so happened dat it was so cloudy with the sound of wind strongly hit my windows.

it was raining so heavily which made my plan to go STARBUCKS-ing at 10 am failed. so.. the terrible day started from dat point of time. THAT was sign.
(BUT while waiting for the rain, i had a chit chat in facebook with my high school friends. It was good though...hehehe... )
And ...

GREAT! at about 11.10 am, the rain stopped. SO i went out from my house then started to walk to Sunway Pyramid bus stop.

When i walked this morning, the weather was so nice..cloudy still no sunshine.wah..wat a gud day i thought.

But it all changed when i asked the bus driver whether they went to SS15..SS14 overbridge exactly. Then he said `yes`..ok.. gud then.. i didn`t have to wait for Bas mini 66 or 68 that i took 4 going to subang for sure last month.

Bus started moving along the road. `why they go the other way?` that was my thought. i decided to wait and see wat came next....

And i realized that i got lost!! S***. the driver and the conductor gave me wrong information. After that, i asked the passenger sitting next to me whether the bus would pass SS14 overhead bridge. She replied me ``yes..usj is the last destination.``. `Fiuh.. i`m safe` is my thought dat moment.

Bus was moving still. went to ss15 roundabout nearby sri KL ( simple thought across my head - get off should be gud but i decided no... and that`s a disaster) then went to summit then usj..ok rite..I WAS REALLY LOST!!
so i asked the conductor about the road. and ended up quarrelling. oh...i really hate him till now. so stupid he is!!!

then i spoke to the person sitting across. 2 persons exactly. The woman told me the way. aNd i was impressed for a while to 1 Malay guy myb i should say man, maybe in his 40ties told me the way and when he got off he asked the conductor to guide me. so good.. appreciate him a lot..thank u so much!!
but i knew that the SO DAMN STUPID conductor would not guide me.. so i just prayed i got a way.

the bus was still moving. Now towards Subang again. then it passed Sri KL again so at dat very moment i decided to get off. I could not wait to make sure whether the bus really passed SS14
overhead bridge. i was so damn angry to the driver and conductor...argh!

Then i walked. relieved i found a way.... my terrible day was over... FIUH

-------
At that time, i thought of meeting my other friends whom i had appointment with. Lunch appointment actually..hehe.. just make it more .. intelligent. hahhaa...

I felt there was a car behind me. I looked and there he was.. my friend. waving his hand at me. oh rite..i was guessing how long i was lost and it was 1 hour!!! wat a waste.
then i directly headed towards Uncle Seng.. wahh finally i was so happy i could eat that. i craved for it for 3 weeks. then today i got it..wahhaha..

so i ate and told the story to them. after that i walked to starbucks with my friend. THen he said..`come..playing pool first then study`... i was considering and considering. then i checked starbucks. it still had place for me 2 sit. so.. i played pool first at Asia Cafe..wahhaha..

i felt guilty though but i just played for a while. 30 minutes. hahaha....
so i played then i did not win at all..wakakka... but it was a gud time..

thanks to eka and marvin.. ^ ^

i would like to play again next time..wwkkwkw...

then i walked to starbucks to study and wait for Jasmine to come..


Starbucks ..i`m coming...



Regards,


Estee ^^v

just came back...

YO...

i just came back from TCPJ.. after submitting my IPD assignment. fiuh ... finally finished... i`m free from assignment now and also from 1 exam.. IPD does not have examination in which i like it. hahaha....

.........
hum... just nw i wrote in my another blog - ``新たなスタート.. a Fresh Start...``. That blog i wrote i felt sooo hungry..hhehehe..NOW, i`m full cuz of LEKOR and Pisang gorenk...PLUS Soya bean sold nearby Suria Mas condo... I bought that soya bean becuz INDRI said she wanna buy it..so it influenced me to buy then.. WAt a WORD of MOUTH!!!... ^0^

.........
this started when i did my IPD Assignment about serious weblog. First time it was so confusing. I dunno wat 2 do with the blog. in the assignment i need to write many issues that i do not understand sometimes.
However, when i did the assignment, i felt like ``wew.it is quite interesting to write a blog..maybe i can make my own blog later on..``... THEN,

~~~~
Here i come.. MY own blog... in English... i just try to practice my English cuz i know my English is not that gud.T.T

.........
i`m lazy to study now..hiks.. but i need to.. exam is coming..OMG!
my time to go back 2 indo also is coming...yay~~
Finally, after 1,5 years i did not go back..NOW is the time...hohoho...

friends are waiting..family are waiting... miss u alllllll >.<
FOOD is also waiting for me... i`m coming ..i`m coming....hahhaa...

P.S: these 2 blogs, 新たなスタート.. a Fresh Start... and 새로운 시작 .... a Fresh Start .... are talking about food in the end...sorry bout that but i...feel like eating and eating and eating today....hehehe..


Okay, i need to start studying..study study.. 유학 가서 。。。


Regards,


Estee ^ ^v