can`t i get this one right?

now...
only now...
i realize i have something called `that kind of feeling`...

i know it is part of my fault. i can`t understand his feeling and behaviour. maybe. i just pretend i understand. maybe. i just do not want he realizes. maybe. this feeling is not rite. maybe.

i do not know how to see from his point of view. tried though but it seems to me i`m too far to understand ...

all starts with `i`... becoz one of my friend said it mostly is my fault. i`m the one who makes this complicated. whereas i do not mean to.

i wanna try but condition is not possible for it. shortage of time. always . it is always shortage of time..

i can not show all my feelings cuz i`m just too afraid to get hurt . cuz i think i`m not his type . cuz i do not think i`m enough.. it is painful when u can`t get the reason.. fiuh..
i just think too much. maybe...

or .. i just try to accept the fact that i`m the one he is looking for..

--- tears

why tears? why do i have to cry? why me? why him?
it is color of life.. i`m happy becoz of him. i`m sad becoz of him. even though it ends like this .. i will treasure it cuz i get something from time i had with him. short and a bit sweet. but to me , it is sweet and bitter. combined together becomes a long lasting memory.

maybe it is too late for me to realize . it is always too late. i did wat i thought was right becoz i dunno wat 2 do.. i really do not know.
i just can watch from the back.
see from the back.
smile from far.
just can hope (which i think maybe empty hope now).

tears fall.. it still can`t heal the wound. i do not have confidence i can reach to his heart.
tears fall.. wat i do wrong
tears fall.. wat i do right
tears fall.. can he accept me for who i am which i do not believe he can as world is realistic
tears fall.. it ends up like this
tears fall.. can`t stop it now
tears fall.. can`t i get this one right?

he doesn`t realize
he doesn`t talk about it
he doesn`t do anything wrong

maybe it`s all me...

tears are falling... it is my mistake. but i do not feel regret becuz these tears are for..this moment..





regards,



Estee ^^v